Sensitivity is a beautiful part of being a femme girl

JusticeTeacher and I spent all of last weekend in a sex marathon. It took both of us all week to recover. Does that make us old or just out of practice?

While she was still down here I mentioned that I planned to be off at the beach this week during my week off of work. And, in an uncharacteristic move I invited her to join me. She wanted to think about it, so I didn’t bring it up again. Fast forward to this past Thursday and she decides she does want to go to the beach with me. But, she puts it in odd terms and I can’t figure out if she wants to go to the beach with me, or if she just wants to go to the beach and she likes me okay. Normally, I really wouldn’t care one way or the other; we enjoy one another and that is enough. . .

But, JusticeTeacher is the kind of woman that you can take home to Momma, and let me tell you -I noticed. Truthfully, I don’t want to be her friendly lady that she takes to the beach with her; I want to be THE lady. And, if it weren’t for the fact that I just so recently was divorced I would put JusticeTeacher in the “potential” category and act a bit more serious about it. But, the simple fact is that I am on the rebound still, and I cannot bear to allow JusticeTeacher to be only that to me. She is a spectacular woman, and one that I would be terribly sorry to not have as a friend. . .So, as such, I had no idea how to respond to the beach trip. Mainly, this was due to the fact that I had no idea about her feelings.

After much self negotiation, I just put it all out there and asked. I told JusticeTeacher that I could see myself developing feelings for her, and that if we are out of town together that could be awkward for both of us since her feelings might not be the same. I fully expected for her to drop contact with me like a hot potato. I mean, this sounds like over emotional drama ridden crazy girl talk, no? So, so, so, terribly not me. This lady is such a class act that she completely respected my feelings and told me that she felt the same for me, but that she was on the rebound too (from a gay marriage as well nonetheless), and that in her opinion we both had a lot of feelings to sort out before we were ready for anything. So we stepped backward into friends. I love it when they get the situation better than I do like this. It was a great, simply amazing conversation. And, while she was bummed we wouldn’t be traveling together, she was so sweet and so supportive. As in she fully understood where I am coming from. And, that just blows my mind.

I never, ever, talk about my feelings with women. I can’t. I just don’t know how to be vulnerable to people like that anymore. It is something I shut off as a result of some major personal and professional shit (lack of a better work there) that went down a few years ago. Sometimes I think I’m still finding my way back to who I was. As we talked back and forth about things like this she pointed out how tough I am and said: “Sensitivity is a beautiful part of being a femme girl. Embrace it. . . “

And then, today, she texted all of “Ghost” to me because we were talking about favorite Indigo Girls songs, and that one is mine.

I know. What a find.